What is free use in a relationship?

Free use in a relationship is a complex and often controversial topic. It generally refers to an agreement within a committed relationship where one partner grants the other partner permission to engage in sexual activity with other people. This agreement can take various forms and have different boundaries.

• Consent and Communication: Crucially, any agreement involving free use must be based on enthusiastic, informed, and ongoing consent from all parties involved. This isn't a one-time decision but requires constant dialogue and checking in.

• Rules and Boundaries: Clear rules and boundaries are essential. These may include specifications about the types of sexual acts allowed, the settings where they can occur, the level of disclosure required, and the use of protection against STIs. Lack of clarity can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

• Emotional Considerations: Even with clear rules, free use can trigger feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and emotional distress. It's important for both partners to be prepared for these emotions and have strategies for managing them, such as therapy or open communication.

• Relationship Dynamics: Introducing free use can significantly alter the dynamics of a relationship. It's important to consider how this change might affect trust, intimacy, and power imbalances.

• Ethical Non-Monogamy: Free use is sometimes considered a form of ethical non-monogamy (ENM), which encompasses various relationship structures outside traditional monogamy, all built on honesty, respect, and consent. However, "free use" can sometimes be considered a specific type of ENM with broader permissions granted.

It's important to note that free use is not for everyone. It requires a high level of emotional maturity, open communication skills, and a willingness to navigate potentially difficult emotions. If you are considering this in your relationship, seeking guidance from a therapist or relationship counselor is highly recommended.